Do you use four-letter words and expletives to fill your day? Good for you. Is your speech fraught with scurrility and the imperious ribaldry of an ill-tempered sea captain? Party on, Wayne. If you cuss like a Martin Scorsese character and think it just fine then no worries, bro. More power to you. But this thread is probably not for you
Quite a long time ago, I figured cussing like a sailor around children would be a bad idea so I started using âreplacementsâ I had read in books or seen in movies.
I, uh, kept a log today thinking I might need to cut down on colorful metaphors. Here is todayâs list of some of the expletives used and the number of times it was said.
Whatever gets you through the day, right?
The List:
(x4) Merlinâs Beard!
(x1) For the LOVE of BENJI!
(x3) Stars and Stones!
(x1) Empty Night!
(x1) Shut the Front Door!
(x1) Feldercarb
(x1) Frack
(x2) Shostakovich!
(x1) SWEET Blue Blazes
Addendum:
Friend: âWhy isnât the repairman here yet?â
Me: âbecause he is an overweening peâtaQ.â
(x1) peâtaQ
Also, at one point today our water was out, I peered out the window at the malfunctioning pump and asked a family member to bring me my holy hand grenade. Not my finest hour.
If you like, please chime in with any substitutions you have used. Some of the above are from Star Trek, Dresden Files novels, Monty Python, Harry Potter, Battlestar Galactica, etc.
After reading this I went and rewatched the old Oxhorn series⌠dear lord I canât believe Inventing Swear Words as 10 years ago⌠Iâm getting old.
Definitely, and in honor of Oxhornâs legacyâfor expressions of frustration, filler words or references to certain biological activities, I propose we use Blat, Chak, Blit, Wolsh, and Flak for each category respectively.
Changing a curse word to another word clearly designed to take the same place, have the same syllables, and mean the same thing does not actually stop you from cursing. Shut the Front Door and Frack are clear examples of this. If you want to stop cursing, then stop. Donât substitute silly words so you feel like you have somehow dodged a celestial or societal mandate. Spoiler alert: you havenât. Curse words change over time precisely for this reason. The same is true of using curse words in other languages (made up or otherwise). I hate to break it to you, but you are still cursing.
Now, if you have catchphrases simply because you feel the need to curse differently then take pride in that and use those silly words all day. I personally think everyone should have their own catchphrases / curses. Several of yours are amusing and I applaud your desire to be different. But you are still cursing, so if you are attaching a societal or celestial mandate against that, you broke it.
This is an excellent assessment, Razlath. I certainly do not feel like I am dodging celestial or societal mandates.
And yet âŚ
As an interesting footnote to your analysis, I did not previously have a natural inclination to use swear words; however, since implementing my replacement approach, my âcreative cussingâ has gone through the roof!
Thus, I may now have inadvertently engendered a foreign bias into my speech patterns. This new prejudice or rather proneness to cuss like a chakkin mule driver, albeit somewhat creatively, is diametrically opposed to my initial flakking aim and goals.
Worse and worse! In the past I may have made an astute observation about a friendâs happy success in winning a contract from a competitor.
Now, however, I might text that same friend something like: âlol, u pwned that chakkin n00b, u wolshed his flak hard, ftw!â
SWEET blue blazes, this is going to take months of deprogramming therapyâŚ
This is gold especially MERLINâS BEARD!!!
A few creative euphemisms I like to use:
Schnitzel!
Shiezenhouser (donât ask)
Flip (as in âWhat the flip?!â or âFlippinâ âŚâ)
Sometimes Iâll just randomly yell âWhat are yer doinâ in mah swaaaamp!!â
Thatâs about all I can think of. Iâll probably only say one or two a day though, not nearly as much as our creative cusser here
You should consider writing a silly book or blog I reckon
And I am submitting Flippinâ to a precise and rigorous testing regimen.
Early results are encouraging.
For those that swear like drunken tapsters, it is particularly well suited to an adjective preceding a noun, especially with some punchy alliteration: âShut off that lint lickinâ digital drivel and fire up the flippinâ phonograph, Mrs. Fluckles.â Fabulous.
Several of yours are amusing and I applaud your desire to be different. But you are still cursing, so if you are attaching a societal or celestial mandate against that, you broke it.
especially MERLINâS BEARD!!!
