Supplanting Cuss Words (Warning: Seriously Geek)


Do you use four-letter words and expletives to fill your day? Good for you. Is your speech fraught with scurrility and the imperious ribaldry of an ill-tempered sea captain? Party on, Wayne. If you cuss like a Martin Scorsese character and think it just fine then no worries, bro. More power to you. But this thread is probably not for you :sunglasses:

Quite a long time ago, I figured cussing like a sailor around children would be a bad idea so I started using “replacements” I had read in books or seen in movies.

I, uh, kept a log today thinking I might need to cut down on colorful metaphors. Here is today’s list of some of the expletives used and the number of times it was said.

Whatever gets you through the day, right?

The List:

(x4) Merlin’s Beard!
(x1) For the LOVE of BENJI!
(x3) Stars and Stones!
(x1) Empty Night!
(x1) Shut the Front Door!
(x1) Feldercarb
(x1) Frack
(x2) Shostakovich!
(x1) SWEET Blue Blazes


Friend: “Why isn’t the repairman here yet?”
Me: “because he is an overweening pe’taQ.”

(x1) pe’taQ

Also, at one point today our water was out, I peered out the window at the malfunctioning pump and asked a family member to bring me my holy hand grenade. Not my finest hour.

If you like, please chime in with any substitutions you have used. Some of the above are from Star Trek, Dresden Files novels, Monty Python, Harry Potter, Battlestar Galactica, etc.




After reading this I went and rewatched the old Oxhorn series… dear lord I can’t believe Inventing Swear Words as 10 years ago… I’m getting old.


Definitely, and in honor of Oxhorn’s legacy–for expressions of frustration, filler words or references to certain biological activities, I propose we use Blat, Chak, Blit, Wolsh, and Flak for each category respectively.


Changing a curse word to another word clearly designed to take the same place, have the same syllables, and mean the same thing does not actually stop you from cursing. Shut the Front Door and Frack are clear examples of this. If you want to stop cursing, then stop. Don’t substitute silly words so you feel like you have somehow dodged a celestial or societal mandate. Spoiler alert: you haven’t. Curse words change over time precisely for this reason. The same is true of using curse words in other languages (made up or otherwise). I hate to break it to you, but you are still cursing.

Now, if you have catchphrases simply because you feel the need to curse differently then take pride in that and use those silly words all day. I personally think everyone should have their own catchphrases / curses. :smiley: Several of yours are amusing and I applaud your desire to be different. But you are still cursing, so if you are attaching a societal or celestial mandate against that, you broke it.



This is an excellent assessment, Razlath. I certainly do not feel like I am dodging celestial or societal mandates.

And yet …

As an interesting footnote to your analysis, I did not previously have a natural inclination to use swear words; however, since implementing my replacement approach, my “creative cussing” has gone through the roof!

Thus, I may now have inadvertently engendered a foreign bias into my speech patterns. This new prejudice or rather proneness to cuss like a chakkin mule driver, albeit somewhat creatively, is diametrically opposed to my initial flakking aim and goals.

Worse and worse! In the past I may have made an astute observation about a friend’s happy success in winning a contract from a competitor.

Now, however, I might text that same friend something like: “lol, u pwned that chakkin n00b, u wolshed his flak hard, ftw!”

SWEET blue blazes, this is going to take months of deprogramming therapy…


Ok, a simple like isn’t enough. I have to give you the full ROTFLMAO treatment. :laughing:



Ha, thanks Razlath.

And I’d like to thank Red Bull, Funyuns, Wikipedia, and my lack of a social life for making my post possible.


This is gold :joy: especially MERLIN’S BEARD!!!
A few creative euphemisms I like to use:

Shiezenhouser (don’t ask)
Flip (as in “What the flip?!” or “Flippin’ …”)
Sometimes I’ll just randomly yell “What are yer doin’ in mah swaaaamp!!”

That’s about all I can think of. I’ll probably only say one or two a day though, not nearly as much as our creative cusser here :wink:
You should consider writing a silly book or blog I reckon :stuck_out_tongue:


I thank you, Jalijer.

And I am submitting Flippin’ to a precise and rigorous testing regimen.

Early results are encouraging.

For those that swear like drunken tapsters, it is particularly well suited to an adjective preceding a noun, especially with some punchy alliteration: “Shut off that lint lickin’ digital drivel and fire up the flippin’ phonograph, Mrs. Fluckles.” Fabulous.