Originally published at: http://gemsofwar.com/console-pop-goes-the-weasel/
Round and round the mulberry bush…
Blessed with magical powers at birth, Princess Fizzbang teleported from her mother’s womb with a strange magical “zzapp!”, causing the midwives to give her the name “Fizzbang”. Her mother, Queen Grapplepot, approved of the name, possibly due to the joy she felt at having a labor that lasted approximately 0.37 seconds.
It soon became apparent that the Princess was not only blessed with the magical ability to blow things up, but also a childlike curiosity piqued by watching beautiful things explode into thousands of shiny pieces.
Unfortunately, for the royal family, she fell into the habit of using whatever (or whomever) was at hand for her experiments. By the time she turned 12 (coming of age for Goblins) she had racked up a tally of 4 brothers, 28 servants, 32 roast boars, a priceless crystal goblet, some jewellery stolen from Queen Ysabelle, the emissary from Adana, her father’s left ear, a passing Knight Coronet, and an undisclosed (but undoubtedly impressive) number of the the local cat population.
Queen Grapplepot’s motto has always been: “When the only tool you have is a large wooden spoon, every problem looks like food.”
The first group of Goblins to tell her that phrase was too long to put on the royal banner went into her pot for that night’s casserole.
The second group of Goblins tried to extend the banner to make the phrase fit, but when Grapplepot caught them… casserole.
The third group of Goblins tried some VERY tiny embroidery, and almost got it right, but unfortunately misspelled the Goblin word for “Wooden Spoon” - Schmacka - as “Khlacka” which means “butt”… leaving the phrase saying “When the only tool you have is a large BUTT, every problem looks like food.” Yep - casserole for them too.
The final group of Goblins tried shortening the phrase to “Eat your problems away!” Queen Grapplepot approved, threw them in the pot too, but at least they ended their days baked into a celebratory cake.