Mak'Gora anyone? Ask for invite...(Xbox 1 required)(28/30)

[ChunkyMono]

My Guild tells me it won’t work. “People will join, go 2/3 or 1/4 first day and rage quit”. Balderdash. True Warriors never quit. No retreat, no surrender. Keep fighting, even if the direction of the march changes.

Our Warboss is battle hardened. Our Ogre Magi and Sorceresses have proven themselves time and again. Our Orc Veterans and Shamans have achieved many victories. Even our Goblin Skirmishers and Summoners have fought by our sides.

And yet, it is I, chunky mono, Snotling Paragon, that issues this Mak’Gora. Win Paragon for us in GW, and I will endorse you to become our new Warboss. Are you fierce enough to lead our Horde?

Orcses is da best, and Chunky is da biggest and da baddest. Join the Horde, or be crushed by it.

Don’t have an Xbox? Who are you, my sister? I’ve been trying to get her to buy one for years…I even offered to pay for it. I won’t pay for any of yours, but we’ll accept new Raiders of any level if y’all want to create an alt and live dat Horde life. You might even like it enough to make it your Main account. My PS fanboy of a brother did. (Sayin it with love, but still sayin it).

Chunky’s Raiders, For the Horde.

[ChunkyMono]

NB: I did not file this under “Guild Recruitment”, and as such will not be offended if others wish to question the honor or intentions of our Horde.

Feel free to add thoughts, offer insults, and otherwise critique my plan to conquer Krystara with you (preferred), or thru you (still an acceptable option).

I’m surprised it has taken this long (we only bracket five), but some of our Skirmishers take flight at the first opportunity. And some of our Summoners fail to summon enough Skeletons to fight in their stead. We were so close to bracket three, my heart is still full of Rage.

Thanks for reading, and to those on Xbox, thanks for giving us the bestest fights. We ain’t done just yet. And to my sister, get yourself an Xbox already: It’s time to join da Horde.

[Lorien1973]

The Alliance has cake and pie. Need we say more?

[Magnusimus]

Beer or get outta here!

[ChunkyMono]

I wish we had pie, cake, and ice cream, but we blew our budget on weapons and armor…

We might have to crash yer party. Ain’t no party like an Orc war party cuz an Orc war party won’t stop, until either all Krystara is under our banner, or we get too bloated on pie, cake, and ice cream.

But too much beer and I’m back to fighting my old demons, and not the Elvses I should be crushing. And one is too many, one thousand, never enough. Thanks for letting me share.

[ChunkyMono]

Sure enough, just talking about beer had me chasing demons. I took a nap…anybody see Shooter with Mark Wahlberg? I had a friend claim to have watched it 57 times. The number struck me as odd, because when I was 12, our teacher had us measure our craniums. Mine was 57 cm. A number that became my nickname for the next 3 years…anyway…

Mark’s dog was trained to fetch him a beer. I went to visit my brother, who recently adopted two kittens. Not small anymore, one fetched me a Lite beer from Miller…I never had one before, and thankfully accepted, but had to poke the bear…I offended the gracious host of a cat, and it decided to maul my face. But I digress.

On topic: I don’t care how great a coach is, even Jeff Fisher gets tuned out eventually. Doug Pederson will eventually as well. That is why we at Chunky’s Raiders believe in the Warhammer approach. I’m the head of the snake, the blunt force trauma that inflicts the most damage.

Other Kirk comes in with the knowledge, to balance out the heavy end of the weapon.

And Kirk Monkey is the handle that holds the whole thing together. So, Raiders, tune us out at your peril.

[ChunkyMono]

So at the halfway point, my 28,611 trails Other Kirk’s 28,628. But I’m not worried, as the next 3 days, I have Zuul watching my back, and he does not.

Still, there are two other undefeated Raiders, and too many at 1 loss for me to count, should we both falter. (I only can count to 3).

Have a better score do you? What would you have done, had you won? Scatter us to the Four Winds? Exile us to the Warrens? Too late now. We’ll soon* be at your gates, ready to bash them in.

*Soon, as in 2021/2022. Watery and Carved may even get fixed first. Bracket V was merely a setback. We shall return. Stronger. For the Horde

Edit: We were ever so briefly in 2nd position, with 135 battles completed Green Day and 125 Yellow Day. Brown Day should be our strongest day, Puddling willing. But by reset, we had fallen to 5th position, and hoping our Goblins would hold the line a little longer, until our Weekend Raiders could join the fray.

[ChunkyMono]

I learned two things this GW:

 1.  I am still the biggest and the baddest.  (in my guild, at least)
 2.  I need a new Red Day Defense.  0/22, ouch.  My boyz took a beating that day.
 3.  I still can't count.

We will have at least one, and possibly more, openings for future Mak’Gora participants in 3 weeks. You are on your prep time. The Horde approaches. This GW was merely a setback. Again.

“Low stress, high GW guild seeks new members.” Moderately high. Everything in moderation.

Requirements:
Gold: 420
Seals: 420
Trophies: 4+20

Please join us in guild chat. There will be punch and pie. Belay that, brownies and tea. Brownies and tea will be served. Nobody showed up for punch and pie.

We finished Rank 46. For the Horde

[ChunkyMono]

We just had a spot open up if anyone wishes to check us out prior to next GW.

While I did benefit from the perks of Paragon, I have yet to redeem Artifact snotstones. I will next GW tho, whether I decide to spend the 10.99* usd or not. Prepare to witness the power of a fully armed and operational Paragon. For the Horde.

Edit: It appears that the Xbox tax has been lifted. Pass is now 9.99 and 24.99 usd, same as other platforms. Now, then whenever. It was 10.99 last time I checked. Whatever. Join the Horde today, space is limited. <“Isn’t space infinite?”> It is my turn in the light, create your own forum account, alt me.

Infinite rosters spots available. Overflow will be pushed to Chunky’s Vindicators and Pet Siege Worldwide based upon GW scores.

[ChunkyMono]

“That Orc Paragon is huge. I’m glad I don’t have to fight him”. And that, little Elf, is why no one will remember your name.

The Unbreakables weren’t afraid to fight me. 0/22, I’m still suffering from that defeat. But I am back again, for another war. And trying to find another Raider to join my Horde.

GW, 7 days. Chunky’s Raiders: To us, and those like us. For the Horde

Edit: Still have one opening, possibly more. Who wouldn’t want to join a guild with such witty banter between the Snotling Paragon and the Warboss. Who’s the Warboss? Possibly you. I mean, I doubt you’d beat me. Or any of our other Champions/Heralds/Vanguard. We won in 2018, and you would not join us. We won in 2019, and still you would not support our cause. If you will not join us in 2020, then I would say you are a coward. Or, in a better guild. Yeah, that’s probably it. Forget I said coward. We may not be the bestest, or the brightestest, but we top 50 GW. And we absolutely will not stop until we top 40 GW.

I think Sandor Clegane would’ve made a good Raider. And there’s still hope for you. Join today. Or on the morrow. We’ll most likely have room again in 28 days if you’re still not ready to join the winning team. The eagles will not avail you, members of the alliance. (Not the Guild on Xbox, I fought alongside them a few Wars back in 2018. Good people. I refer to the WoW alliance. Arrogant, with the Human trinkets; and Cowardly, afraid to attack with less than 4vs1 odds).

Edit: In the Guild chat above, I incorrectly stated 12 event troops failed to yield a Queen of Sin. While Mythics do drop from event purchases, Queen of Sin was not eligible due to the color restrictions of the event. However, 485 event keys, plus 2 more, plus 30 others later in the week. It is clear the Queen of Sin doesn’t like me. That’s ok, I still have Queen Xochi. Burned again. I just don’t learn.

[ChunkyMono]

We currently have two open roster spots. With the slightest of margins, for the briefest periods of time, we held the third spot three hours before reset. About 10 minutes later, we trailed again. 14 unfought battles that final day, 14 unfought the day before as well. (He skipped them, why would he skip them. Guy above went 1/4 on Green Day. Smh, names withheld to avoid the implications and accusations).

We finished 44th, but avenged our bracket 88 defeat to the Warriors. The Orcs remember.

To be a Raider is to always be outgunned and outflanked. We blaze (phrasing) a path for others to follow. Surrender is not in our creed.

Two Raiders retired. I would like to as well, but Honor dictates I leave the Horde in capable hands. And I have not yet lost my Snotling Paragon title. Come, try and take it from me. I double Warg dare you. For whose Horde? For our Horde

Chunky’s Raiders

[ChunkyMono]

I’m looking forward to this GW. I always look forward to GW, but this time I think we have our strongest roster yet.

GW Rank: 44
Dooms: 71 (Tie)
Trophy Rank: 180

Reqs:
Gold: 420
Seals: 420
Trophy: 4 and 20

[Jonathan]

@ChunkyMono

4 and 20

[ChunkyMono]

“Arise, arise, Raiders of Chunky!
Fell deeds awake, fire and slaughter!
spear shall be shaken, shield be splintered,
an axe-day, a red day, ere the sun rises!
Raid now, raid now! Raid to Bracket 4!”

I’m sure Mr. Tolkien wouldn’t mind. Especially if like little appleseeds, I spread his words so that they might sprout new fans. Bracket 1 is the goal. Bracket 4, more realistic. For now. After shouting that thru the Guild Halls of Raider Detachment Zulu, who is to say where will finish 29 hours from now.

All that is certain is: RED DAY is imminently approaching, and with it, an Orc Raiding Party worthy of Mordor. My flank defenses are set, my troops on the move, and we will raid like the Orcs of olden times. For the Horde.

To join in future Raids (not this piddling weekend event, I’m talking the big, GW-style stuff), message me at GamerTag: chunky mono.

[Lorien1973]

Worthy of mordor? You mean dying in huge numbers without achieving anything?

[ChunkyMono]

I tried to tell Azog to wait, hold back and let the Dwarves and Elves wear each other down. I said Nick Foles has got those Eagles flying high. Did he listen? No. But Foles is gone now, and the Eagles aren’t want they used to be. Ain’t no stopping us now. We’re on the move.

“Saruman”, I said to him, “Saruman, chances are the Ents aren’t going to be too happy with all this deforestation. You might want to invest in some flammable liquids. Burn them all, so to speak.”

“Sauron, you got this mountain of Doom, why not wall it off. What you planning to do, forge more rings?” Idiots. There’s a new Mordor, and we making it worthy of us.

Chunky is da biggest and da baddest. Paragon again.

[Lorien1973]

Tip from an elf: Don’t make Leroy Jenkins a general.

[ChunkyMono]

Hello all. Greetings and salutations.

We will in fact be fighting in bracket four next Guild War (allegedly), and we are seeking out the strongest warriors to help us advance even higher.

Our reqs are lenient enough to allow you to join in other activities outside of Gems of War. Scroll up if you don’t believe me. We don’t care if you play World of Warcraft, Hearthstone, or Hello Kitty Island Adventure, so long as you fight 30 guild war battles once every four weeks.

To join me in World of Tanks, message me at GamerTag chunky mono. We’ll platoon, it will be fun.

To join the Horde, please do the same. I have a mic. Sometimes it even works. gl hf

Chunky’s Raiders, For the Horde.

[ChunkyMono]

We had 2 players with 0s. Easily could have had third place. Result would have been the same. My brother is retiring. We have plenty of room for those who like to fight GW, and not much else in the game. Check us out.

Chunky’s Raiders, For the Horde

Chunky’s Vindicators, For the Beginners. We’ll train you up right; get you ready for the biggest and bestest fights. GW begins in 22 days. Be ready.

Bracket 4 GW. Everything else is Puddling.

[ChunkyMono]

And we’re back…

Back in B7. Do you know how long it took us to get out of B7 last time? I already done forgot. But it was a good long while. But after finishing 39, we finished 50 last GW. It wasn’t the 8 1/4s posted, or the 5 0/5s. It was the 51, Fifty-One " - "s. That was 6 complete no-shows, and 5 others who didn’t fight on the weekend. Can’t say I blamed 'em. For who, for what? Oh yeah, right, For the Horde.

Life happens. And other games do as well. And if you enjoy Life, other games, and Guild Wars, check out da Raiders.

Our reqs aren’t that high…

Gold: 420
Seals: 420
Trophies: 4 and 20.

GT: Chunky mono

To join the Vindicators (GW Rank 1711)
GT: Kirk Monkey

Join us on discord…oh wait, we don’t do discord, only sow it.