I am not that old, I assure you.
I just happened to get married very, very young; that, in itself, is quite a tale: suffice it to say, that shotguns were involved. Don’t judge me without knowing the whole sordid tale of woe.
I have learned so much since then. Really, I have. I have learned that if I had my life to do over again, I would make the same mistakes–only sooner.
And using this hard fought wisdom, I have also learned to admit my mistakes–as quickly as possible–before someone exaggerates them and they end up in the local newspaper.
Nevertheless, this is most certainly not the point of this post.
I want to share some amazing news. My eldest son passed his driver’s license road test today.
I promised him I would not embarrass him with any ridiculous post.
But then …
I came across this upside down cat
This dog doing yoga
A cosplaying dog
And finally, whatever this is
And all bets were off!
…sorry my son, I can’t help it. INCOMING POST!
I take full credit for this milestone. FULL CREDIT. This was all me.
And what do you think? How did I pull this hat trick off?
First, I utilized sagacious parental discernment and insisted he first learn to lay drag. Even more than that, I taught him to burn out, smoke the tires, do donuts and drift—all while piloting a minivan.
I often assured him that “chicks dig a minivan with smoking tires.” Oh they do, my son. Oh they do.
What? It is totally street legal! I promise.
I also want to pass on my new-found knowledge to other young parents. Please continue breaking out your pens and taking notes.
important sartorial safety tip for future co-pilot parents with teen drivers: do what I do, be prepared!
At an absolute minimum, wear the following items:
Motorcycle helmet (Yes, wear this in the passenger seat of an automobile).
Life Vest (in case you end up in the lake)
Strap lots of flares to your waist
You are ready now. Good luck my friends. You will need it. There are few things in life as terrifying and harrowing as teaching a teenager to drive.
And good heavens please remember! You can never, ever, have too many flares.