Platform, device version and operating system:
Steam, Windows 7 x64
What you were expecting to happen, and what actually happened:
Here’s the full results of my proof read of Dark Pits:
(Italics used to show changes. All just my opinion.)
- Cursed Touch trait: “…when dealing damaged.” – extra ‘d’ needs removing.
- Into the Arena intro: “While traveling through the dim, murky Underworld…” – need to add the comma.
- Into the Arena intro: “Fat rats are weak - beneath Tau.” – dash should be longer (an em-dash). Check other places you use a dash in-game.
- Out of the Arena intro: “Tau smells bad things - Stinky Rats.” – dash should be em-dash; might read better as “Tau smell bad things”
- Out of the Arena first quest: “Battle out of the arena.” doesn’t really mean anything. “Fight your way out of the arena.” might be better.
- Out of the Arena epilogue: “Snakey Ladies have taught Rattigar” – ‘have’ needs to be removed; might sound even better as “teach” instead of “taught”.
- Away from Danger intro: “with lightning.” “I see them too.” – except, maybe the Hero is mimicking Tau, here.
- Away from Danger epilogue: “KILL me?!” might be better than “Kill ME?”
- Away from Danger epilogue: “…We approached the exit from the Dark Pits.” – a bit pedantic of me.
- Final Guardian intro: “Tau has a found a worthy Rattigar.” – first ‘a’ needs to be removed.
- Final Guardian epilogue: “Maybe Tau find even HUGER rats to challenge!”
- Capitalisation of quest names is not consistent with other parts of the game (or accepted usage). Should be: “Into the Arena”, “Out of the Arena”, “Away from Danger”.
That took me about 15 mins.
I’d be happy to proof read all quests for suitable, in-game recompense, using a format or system that works for you (the messageboard’s markup just isn’t up to the task).