Originally published at: Cutthroats and Canines – Gems of War
Lil’ Johnny Bronze settled down at one of his favorite taverns ready to tell a few tales…
Did I ever tell ye all o’ Kendrala Bloodjewel? She were a mighty fierce captain, and an ELF to boot!
'Er crew used to say she’d do magic tricks to entertain 'em. But she ‘ad this evil lil’ red parrot, Beakie, who’d yell out and spoil the tricks!
Harrr! She’d make a coin up and vanish, and Beakie’d yell out “It’s in the other 'and!”. Or she’d make a bottle 'o rum appear, and Beakie’d squawk out “It were up 'er shirt!”.
She used to get so mad at Beakie! Only reason she kept 'im 'round were that 'e were a great lookout.
But one say she got so mad at 'im she locked 'im up in ‘er cabin. Harrr! And would ye believe it? ‘Er ship crashed crashed on some rocks.
When she comes too, clinging to one o’ the rocks, she spies Beakie lookin’ at her, and she says “WHAT?”
And beakie squawks out “Okay, I give up! What’d ye do with the ship?”
Harrrr!
Kendrala don’t have a parrot no more…
Kendrala Bloodjewel will be available in the Invasion Shop, and will appear in Glory, Gem, Guild, and VIP chests in 3-4 weeks’ time.
Lil’ Johnny Bronze returned from the bar. Through some clever and mightily dexterous use of his hook he could manage to triple-fist ale AND carry a soft bread roll all at once. He collapsed heavily into his seat, and continued his stories…
Harrr! But Kendrala weren’t the craziest pirate I ever seen!
I once traveled with a group of Wargare - the Scurvy Seadogs they called ‘emselves!
We were huntin’ sunken treasure off the coast o’ Sword’s Edge. But all we found were a silly-lookin’ shield, and a golden lamp.
One o’ those Scurvy Seadogs rubs the lamp, and a genie pops out!
Now the tales tell that Genies be obliged to give 3 wishes, but that’s not so. THIS Genie tells us he can only grant one wish!
While I’m thinkin’ o’ the glorious treasures we could wish for, one o’ the Seadogs pipes up without thinkin’, “I wish the entire ocean were made o’ rum, as far as I can see!” 'e says.
Well it were quite a party we had out there off Sword’s Edge. Only bad thing were that we 'ad to pee in the ship. Made the trip 'ome a little rough! Harrr!
The Scurvy Seadog will be available for 400 Glory in the Rewards tab of the Shop, will be in Event Chests this week, and will appear in Glory, Gem, and Guild chests in 3-4 weeks’ time.
After a considered pause, and a drink or three, with a look on his face like he were trying to rid the uncomfortable memory of a particularly awful smell, Lil’ Johhn Bronze grinned, then continued…
But the shield we found… turns out it were rather special! Harrr!
It looked to me like it were made from a giant clam shell, and then all polished up like mother o’ pearl, carved in this beautiful cupped shape… so I took it to a wizard in Blackhawk to get it rightly appraised.
The Wizard - and I only knows the most powerful Wizards, aye - 'e casts an ancient and arcane spell to determine it’s origins. He runs 'is ‘ands lovingly over it, and presses ‘is face to it, smellin’ it, tastin’ it! Then ‘e looks up wide-eyed, and runs out o’ ‘is lab a-screamin’!
Harrr! Well I chased after 'im, but 'e were nowhere to be found!
Two more wizards I try, and the same thing 'appens!
Finally, I takes it to an Armorer friend 'o mine, and asks ‘im, “What’s up with this shield?” He just laughs!
“Come on, spit it out, man!” I says.
“Well,” ‘e replies. “Ye’ve ‘eard of Undine, eh, Lil’ Johnny?”
"O’ course," I says. “God of the Seas.”
“Well this be Undine’s Protector. 'E wears it into battle.”
“Wears it?” I asks
“Aye,” laughs me Armorer friend, “to protect his SOFT BITS!”
Harrr! Me friends, I’d found the Jockey Cup o’ the Gods!
HarHarrr!
I sold it on to a merchant not long after fer a case o’ grog. Told 'im it were called “Ocean’s Protector”… an ancient divine artifact!
It was at this point Lil’ Johnny finally fell off his chair in laughter.
This week it will be available in both the Invasion shop, and in the Soulforge.
