A Giest Gets Gobby Good


#1

As Promised, here is a Gobby Short for your reading pleasure…
hope everyone enjoys :smile:

In a future this lifetime, as a story turns to myth

A group of eager young goblins rush into a classroom in a school in the heart of Zaejin. Goblins, like the most of creatures generally look for a reason to be anywhere but… Today however, is a special day, today was an anniversary that is cheered and celebrated throughout all goblin kind. Thirty-five years ago today, Gobby, Zaejin’s renowned hero, returned home after dealing the final blow to the Spire’s empire, toppling the corrupt Sheggra, and bringing Zaejin to peace once more, a peace that would last until this very day. It is near impossible to find a single soul in the entire kingdom that didn’t know his story. Younglings all over the kingdom looked up to him, and could tell you his story inside and out. Today class would be about just one subject: history, Gobby’s history to be more precise. The goblins all fell into class and took their seats, the teacher was about to begin her lesson.

“Welcome to class today. I’m sure I don’t have to remind you of how important this very day is to our kingdom.” The teacher spoke to her students.

“No ma’am.” The students responded.

“And what might today be?” The teacher asked.

“Gobby Day!!!” The class cheered aloud.

“Correct.” The teacher said. “Today was the day that Gobby returned home triumphantly effectively ending Zaejin’s war against the invading Spire. Today for the class I have a special story to read. A story about an adventure Gobby undertook with a wraith. This story is entitled “A Geist Gets Gobby Good”

‘Great was a day our Gobby awoke, alive and well rested, till somebody spoke,
Look at this paper, I think this is good, a bat that needs dealing with, somebody should.
Ghulvania? Our hero speaks as to inquire, the lifeless’ threat is so near to expire.
Deal them soon, he had stood up to say, off to this kingdom we now must away.
So Gobby and crew, had got up and walked, off to the distance and dared not to talk,
The lifeless were creepy, these thoughts in their heads,
They wondered all how do you kill the undead,
In no time at all, they had entered a town, deep in a kingdom, with so few around.
They heard of a lady, a hunter of sorts, she often had ended the unlives for sport.
After some searching, they picked up a line, her name was Avina, they’d meet her in time.
They followed some clues, and came ‘round an inn, waiting for daylight, they sheltered within.
Although they were grateful there wasn’t a fight,
They had now to get through the darkest of nights.
Gobby had settled to a room that seemed hollow, even his water, was so hard to swallow,
Gobby had look to a mirror for truth, and what he had heard scared much deeper then boo!
A moan that had made his hair stand up on end, and with it he wished not to hear it again.
A figure appeared that which he could see through,
And Gobby now wondered “What should I do?”
And so he had fled, he had run to the hall, and shouted although no one answered the call,
And a fragrance he then noticed out of a room, of apples and berries, now warm from bloom.
And down through the corridors, Gobby was chased,
Hunted and followed, plagued by this wraith,
But soon as it was, the scents source discovered,
A wonderful treat, that was baked and not covered,
And soon Gobby fell, this will warm you inside, for Gobby’s face landed, inside of a pie,
And this story remembered by each of his friends, is still quite enjoyed from beginning to end,
So keep this tale close, remember you should, of the day that a Geist had Got Gobby Good”

The teacher had finished her story and the classroom was in a clamor, laughing at what they viewed as a lighter side of their hero. As for the rest of the tale, of how they dealt with that bat…
Well that’s a tale for another day.

I Would like to give a special thanks to @Sirrian, @Nimhain, and the rest of the GoW developing team for designing such an amazing game.

Another thanks to everyone who supports me on Gobby’s journey, especially with all the delays. BaDaBoom!!!: A Goblin’s Tale (Series II) will be here in September.

See you in the Cellar


#2

You need to edit just some few parts here and there…

Fixed:
A group of eager young goblins rush into a classroom in a school in the heart of Zaejin. Goblins, like the most of creatures (that must atend to classrooms), generally (will) look for a(ny)* reason to be anywhere. But today, however, is a special day. Today is an anniversary that is cheered and celebrated throughout all goblin kind. Thirty-five years ago today, Gobby, Zaejin’s renowned hero, returned home after dealing the final blow to the Spire’s empire, toppling the corrupt Sheggra, and bringing Zaejin to peace once more, a peace that would last until this very day.

Parts in the (----)* are suggestion to your text that seems like good extras adding more bits of information.
I changed the “was” for “is” in the parts related to “today” because the perspective of the little goblins is of a present day, hopefully it will make sense.


#3

@Ivar

My literacy skills aren’t quite where I would like to be but I’m not sure if my “mistake” was actually that, or possibly an expression that’s semi common in America but less common elsewhere.

The phrase “Cell was suppose to have school today but would rather be anywhere but.”

Is commonly used over here to imply that I would rather be anywhere but (school).

Is the passage structurally sound taking into account the adage? If not I can adjust the script but as mentioned above it was an intended passage based on my personal upbringing (when writing stories I often base character speech on dialect from their origin (or source material) but narrative dialogue is written as if I where speaking (I often include bits and peices of expressions I hear/used growing up))

To further my literacy skills, if you could let me know if/how I misused the expression I would be glad to change it as such.

Thanks for your input,

Cell


#4

I did correct Peace tho, my spell check doesn’t often catch identical words with different spellings (I think that it’s called a homonym but I may be wrong)

#EDIT

Adjusted “was” for “is” by @Ivar’s suggestion to account for present-tense (as opposed to past-tense)


#5

It’s not that it’s wrong, but the suggested addition seemed necessary to make it more clear. It’s like i’m reading the passage and mentally i’ve pictured these “missing” parts.

But maybe since my grasp of the language is mostly academic i tend to “get in trouble” on the commom use of the writen english because it varies a lot i guess.
(And some accents on the speaking language are a pain to follow…)


#6

I made the other corrections (peice to peace and was to is)

It does seem there was another error my me tho, I ended the “anywhere but” with a period, when written down there should be an ellipsis (…) so I adjusted that, I hope it reads a little more clearly


#7

English is not my native language and I understand Cell’s story well, I mean that it was not neccessary of you to correct this as long as it is understandable. We should rather focus to accept each other minor flaws, instead of confront others about them, because we all have them more or less.


#8

Thanks @Eika,

Spelling and grammatical errors however, I welcome people pointing, I want the integrity and structure of my work to be sound but I went to a special ED school for a learning disability, when people point out errors (as in the “piece” and “was” (which I did correct)) it allows me to make the structure of the work better which I am greatful for (after all the short is now grammatically more correct now).

Thanks sooooo much for your support @Eika and being there to help push me forward


#9

You are doing good, Cell. :slight_smile:


#10

Thanks7890


#11

Lol I like it, that what I’m going to do from now on whenever my post is too short, just include the numbers up to 10 digits lol


#12

But i didn’t mean it in a bad manner…
Maybe i’ve “sounded a bit blunt” by being so direct, but i’m not trying to undermine his vocation by judging his work. I’m pointing some minor erros that sliped his attention and suggested what sounded to me like a possible good addition. It’s up to him to decide if it would sound better or not, or as i said, maybe i just didn’t got the right idea from the sentence because aside from movies and the academic knowledge i have i don’t have a “life experience” on dialects.

Well, i could just probably give him one like and follow with my day, pretty much as someone who sees a dog do a cute trick and throws a piece of food… But i guess i should be sorry that i actually had the “trouble” (by any means it was nothing but a pleasure @Cell ) to read it, and cared enough to point and suggest something. But god forgive this wretched, vile and unworthy person, who is me, for trying to show some support beyond the almighty and fulfilling “like” button and silly emotes…

But ok, my pizza just arrived, so carrying on…

I’m not trying to be picky @Cell but you forgot: [quote=“Cell, post:1, topic:10618”]
…a peace that -> wound <- last until this…
[/quote]

…a peace that -> would <- last until this…


#13

@Ivar

I have no quarrels, I’m very appreciative of the spelling/grammar corrections, feel free at any time to alert me to any of those you may happen to find.

I’m changing “would” now (just as soon as I can locate it :wink:)

#EDIT

Got it :wink:


#14

Giving likes on every post just to be sure that i’ll not be the vilain… (again) :stuck_out_tongue:


#15

I think it would had been better if you PMed him about this. But, thats of course my subjective opinion.


#16

It’s fine (in my case) to point it out here (although other people may take it hard) as if it’s brought up in PM after I make the adjustments I would end up commenting on the person who pointed it out to say thanks (in addition to listing the proper changes) and having it done in chat for me eases thing as when people notice that the post was edited, they will see why simply my reading the comments. It’s the way I learn (I have a 135 IQ despite said special ED school) people point out an error and I remember it damn near forever lol, I once troubleshooted a computer error when I was 6 based on seeing someone else fix it when I was 4, I have some limitations and when I was younger people would treat me like I was incapable of knowing something was wrong because I was special ED and “didn’t know better” I think enjoy being in a space where if I make a “mistake” (not through story telling but aforementioned spelling and grammar issues) it makes me feel like people think I’m worth the investment of their time to help make me a little better. As long as people aren’t posting in a “grammar Notsi (apparently Siri doesn’t spell the word I’m looking for so if someone can post the spelling for me I would love to correct it lol)” in the vain of “how could you do that wrong you idiot” I very much welcome people to assist me in “proofreading”

I wish I had someone in real life who was good with grammar/spelling to assist with proofreading so I can catch these things before I publish them, anyhow long post over, thanks for your support everyone and feel free to further proofread my work so long as there is an understanding that you will not be paid for it (although you will be graciously thanked)


#17

Well, i understand the sentiment and concern Eika, but my personal view on the matter is:
“Evolution or change is all about exposure.”

When the devs do something new in the game, for example, they are putting their new idea in exposure to us. Be it a new troop, a change/nerf to something or a new system, it’s all up to us to appreciate it, judge it and give an opinion. The devs can from this point work towards some improvement taking this experience in account for the future.

What happens here is no much different. By posting his story Cell’s work is being exposed, it is set before us to be appreciated, evaluated and judged. Because there is no other way to become better at something except by making some mistakes here and there, having these mistakes identified, and finally working towards correcting and avoiding them.

I can’t simply stand by, look into something that someone made with their heart and take no action to make it better in the best sense my judgement allows. If my judgement is good or not that’s subjective, but at least i can sleep in peace tonight because i was not indifferent.

Again, i understand the sentiment and concern, you also couldn’t just ignore what you judged wrong, but i assure you my intention was better than it looked, something to be taken into account next time.
After all, even at this very moment, posting is being exposed to be judged and then evolve/change. :wink:


#18

In respect me and my work I politely request that for this thread from here on in that people only post on the content of the story (any further grammatical and/or spelling corrections is fine with me). All sides have been rather respectful in their opinions thus far but I know all too well how things can get carried away and it would sadden me to have the responses closed out before more people can tell me what they think of it. I hope people can understand this request and thank you both (not trying to use call outs at this point) both for strengthening the integrity of the story and for caring about me possibly taking the correction poorly and defending me.

So let’s get back to what matters most,

What did people think about the story?

Anyone have any speculation as to where Series II will lead us (clues were given in this short).

How many Easter eggs did you find in the original story found here

What was your favorite Easter egg?

Look forward to hearing from you,

Cell