“My lovely brothers and sisters, we are gathered here today to mourn the passing of a tyrannical King. May this King of infern…”
“Psst. Reverend Cell sir…”
“We’re in the mourning process son, no distractions please…
As I said the day is bleak for some and joyous joyous for others with the passing of the infern…”
“Psst reverend Cell sir… Please.”
“Agh, get to the heart of matter and always interruption… What’s wrong with you boy? What can’t seem to wait?”
“The King Cell… He’s not dead.”
“Say what?”
“You see, his fingers moving…”
I look over to the coffin where the King had lied. Surely enough his fingers curled to give me a thumbs up* (censored for our younger viewers, it was another jester given)
“Give just a moment, my brothers and sisters, our guest is not cooperating.”
I close the curtain to the the other viewers and picked up a nearby sword.
“DIE YOU INFERNAL (Q-Bert says @&$*%#)”
I reopen the curtain and continue the service.
“We are gathered here to mourn the joyous passing off a one infernal…”
“Hhhooooowwwww” a sound belowed from the Kings body in the coffin. The body began to twitch as well until it came to a stop.
I approached the body in the coffin and began to reach towards it. As if out of nowhere my arm was grabbed by a sliver hand.
“It’s a trick, get an axe.” The stranger said.
“Who the hell are you?” I inquire.
“The name’s Ash, housewares.”
All of the sudden the Kings body rose from the coffin, refull of life, seeking to consume the souls of those come to mourn him kind of.
“It’s a good thing I came prepared.” Ash says as he pulls out the Daemonomicon. “Klaatu…verata… Why do I always forget the N word?” Ash ponders to remember his spell and gives it a second go. “Klaatu…verata…nanananana.” The Daemonomicon began to glow a reddish purple hue and the Infernal King was drawn into it. “Groovy.” Ash says, his work now done.
“Have Ye spoken the words correct?” Tassarion, a high elf inquires.
“Maybe not every teeny tiney syllable no, but basicly I said em.” Ash responded. " I shall hide this dreaded book where it can do no more harm."
“In the highest, fridged peeks of the Glacial Territory?” The elf asked.
“I was thinking of a graveyard… But that can work too.”
I hope everyone enjoys this.
Welcome to the Cellar
